lemychix.

Right now, i wish i could sit & fit into a circle of different random people, who are as vulnerable and sensitive as me. Who before they sat down, were really strong, independent people, people who lie and say they don't need anyone. and we could all love eachother in a very big way and be happy, &full. but, i'm not, and i can't, and i don't think i ever will.
so i'm going to call some friends and write down random shit. right now, i have a gigantic headache, which is nothing new. i wonder if theres something wrong with me; whats more wrong is that i don't really care. i want to go take a shower. theres just certain things you do, and they make you feel simple. and human. the feeling i get in the shower is a feeling i can only have when i'm in the shower. the feeling i have when i'm sitting on my trampoline listening to the neighbor's radio playing is a feeling i can only have when im sitting on my trampoline listening to the nieghbor's radio playing. the feeling i have when i'm laying on someone else's couch is a feeling i can only have when i'm in someone else's couch. all these things are pretty simple. pretty & simple. you know where to put your hands, and you know how to look pretty. and simple. i have 3 confessions right now. one, i am still learning to like myself. this is why i'm single, this is why i only crush on guys who are dicks, and why only guys who are dicks crush on me. i need to go on a date with myself, i need some self-love, in the shower, in bed, while i'm walking between classes. i wish i could fall inlove with myself, i'm sure it would then be much easier to fall inlove with any random dickhead. then again, i should fall inlove with a girl. us, girls, we are so beautiful. most of us are sensitive, and understanding, straight guys should be happy they are "morally" allowed to love and take care of us. but then again, fuck morals. i would love to take care of a girl, and love her. but she would have to be sensitive. then again, i'm only a magnet for dicks. some of my friends think i'm "bi-curious". i think thats stupid. you love who you love, whether it be a girl or a boy or a hermaphrodite. Two, i have figured out why i'm occasionally attacked by lonely-spasms. i expect too much love from people. i don't need attention because i have a low self-esteem, even though thats partly true, i need attention & affection because i'm a fucking loser. & three, i wish i could try something new. anything. i need a whole new fucking life. i am not depressed, i am not happy, i don't know how the fuck i feel. i need to detoxify myself from me.