bubblegum ally; ours.

hey, turn the radio off and get closer, i have to tell you something, and it might take some time.

How have you been? How is she now?
she's the same girl. only bonier, with smaller wrists and ankles. she even has a tattoo now. She irons her own clothes, she sleeps downtown. she looks much more different. she is not mine anymore. i started to wonder what she had done this whole time. Mark off squares in calendars? sit in public bathroom stalls and cry? did she sleep alone? would she starve herself? i thought about these things a lot, and i thought maybe one day she will tell me they are true.
"yes, yes its true, i was thinking about you so much i forgot to eat, i havent eaten a solid meal in months. and i ran away from myself, trying to run away from you. and you see? you see this tattoo? its in code, its your name, right here. in my skin."
but you never said this, i only convinced myself you did.

"now, i am going to talk very fast and see if you can understand what i am saying."

whether or not he`d make it famous, or if he`d stay a normal human like me, i would love him. every now and then i might even hold his hand and say, you are better. i would say 'the best' in my head, but it wouldnt come out as sound. and we could take tiny steps down the stairs, we would hold our breath, and count to ten, and leave.
"maybe this would make us better." "this will make us the best," you say, you wear the crown, you have the guts, and now i know were not the best, you are. and maybe you know that too. but you dont have the guts to say it, and maybe now, maybe now, i can wear the crown, with a gigantic smile spilling all over my face, screaming, "i am the worst."
and i would finally love myself.